Led me straight to you
by LandOftheMidnightSun
Summary: Herminie is dealing with the recent loss of her parents and has taken to staying outside the social interactions she used to enjoy, like Snape, who she becomes obsessed with when she realizes there is more to him then he would like everyone to think. They both have their own pain, but can what separates them bring them together on the broken path they have found themselves on?
1. The broken road

I flew through the halls trying to get to potions class on time. I was never late for anything in my life, and it was just my luck that the first time I would be late was for potions. Professor Professor Snape would be furious I was sure of it, I could already see his eyes burning in anger and hear his cold, yet biting words he would have for me when I finally got into class. Maybe I should just skip class altogether, it was the first class of the year anyways so it wouldn't exactly be too important. I slowed my running to a pitiful trot, grasping my chest in pain trying to suck in air since I was starting to get black speckles from lack of oxygen. I really should work out more and spend less time in the library.

I got turned the corner to the potions hall and groaned when I saw that the door was indeed closed. I glanced down at the silver watch my grandmother gave me for my sixteenth birthday last year and saw that it was two minutes past eight. Only a great jerk like Professor Snape would close the door right on the minute. I sighed dejectedly and drug my feet to the door shifting unsurely in front of it, seriously considering just turning around and going to bed rather than face the anger of the potions master. I had just taken a step back, my mind made up to skip, when the door swung open of its own accord slamming against the wall making me jump in shock.

"Inside Granger." Professor Snape snapped, not pausing or turning around as he meticulously wrote the notes for the day on the chalkboard. I stepped inside quietly and kept my head down to avoid the curious looks of the gryffindors and the smug looks of the slytherins. I was never late so I'm sure this would be the gossip of the century as soon as class let out.

"I don't suppose you are going to enlighten the class on why you came in at 8:02, when you are aware that class starts at eight o'clock on the dot?" Professor Snape asked coldly pausing in his writing only to glance down at his notes.

"I had to discuss some things with the headmaster, I have a note." I knew that professor Professor Snape didn't care about things such as good reasons, or notes from the headmaster. It was still insolence in his mind, so I was unsurprised when he set down the chalk with a little too much force and spun around looking more intimidating than ever.

"I don't care about your _note _Ms. Granger. You are to be in my class at eight am sharp on the mornings you have class with me, and this Saturday for a detention, am I understood?" He seethed approaching me with a swift swoop until he was inches from my face, the anger evident in every line of his face. I gulped and unconsciously stepped back nodding my head in eager agreement wishing I had just skipped like I had been planning. Now I would have to spend all class with a pissed off Professor, and a Saturday detention with him also. I glanced up at him fearfully unintentionally making eye contact with him, because who really intentionally makes eye contact with the most feared person in the school?

"Yes Professor." I mumbled softly shifting nervously under his scrutinizing gaze. After a long moment he backed off and went to the head of the class room and sat down after giving a sharp order for the class to begin the assignment. I breathed a small sigh of relief that even though I had detention, the unavoidable confrontation was finally over. I barely paid attention to the potion or the concerned looks of Harry and Ron who knew something was up, but both of them not wanting to say something and attract more unwanted attention from the sour Professor.

My thoughts strayed to the conversation that I had just had with the headmaster. Over the summer I had tried to convince the headmaster that my parents needed more protection, a fact that he eventually agreed on, but not until after Voldemort had taken advantage of their vulnerability and killed them. Actually it was a couple of his minions that had been ordered to do it. I couldn't tell Harry or Ron, that's what Voldemort wanted, for Harry to become reckless with indignation and rage, so I had to act like everything was fine. I had gone to grimwald place after it happened, but I had been able to hide out for the remaining of the summer in the many rooms and libraries it harbored.

When I got up this morning I headed straight to the headmaster's office to discuss my tuition for the year, my parents had always taken care of it and so I wasn't quite sure how it worked. My thoughts darkened quickly remembering the night they died, a memory I usually tried to avoid at all costs. The dark memories consumed my mind though, and my potion ended up turning out horribly for the first time since starting school six years ago. I gripped the edge of the desk in frustration glaring down at the pot of boiling yellow liquid that was supposed to be a dark brown now. Had Professor Snape been one of the death eaters who raided my house? Did he know it was going to happen? Even if he hadn't been there, he knew, and that was unnerving to me. It was much easier to act like it hadn't happened when nobody else knew it had happened.

"Granger. We need to discuss your detentions." Professor Snape snapped coldly and I realized with a start that I was the only one left in the class and I had spent the entirety of the class obsessing about my parent's death. I let go of my iron grip on the desk and waved away the mess of a potion not bothering to bottle up any for grading. It would have been a zero anyways.

"Yes professor?" I asked striding slowly to his desk stopping a good two feet from it unwilling to be too close to the dark man willingly. He finished writing a sharp comment in his red grading ink on a poor first years paper and glared up at me.

"Why were you late?" I sighed not really wanting to go into this.

"I already told you, I was talking to the headmaster."

"At eight o'clock when you're supposed to be in classes? Pray tell Ms. Granger, what was so important?" He leered, his eyes dark and malicious. I had barely been keeping my volatile emotions in for the last few weeks and his cold questioning was the tipping point. I never talked back to teachers, but right now I didn't care about my perfect reputation.

"Oh, well you see professor, it seems that somebody was so kind as to murder my parents so I had to make sure I had submitted my tuition correctly before classes. Maybe if they hadn't been murdered by one of your friends, I could have been on time to your class and not wasted any of your fucking precious time!" I practically shouted at him feeling a rush of relief to take my anger out on him, a decision I almost as quickly made, as regretted. At first I saw shock register on his normally stoic expression, but then I saw the slightest whisper of pain. It was gone so quickly I was sure I had imagined it, but I knew I wouldn't have imagined such a thing when I was enjoying taking my anger out on him so much.

"I'll see you at eight am sharp on Saturday Ms. Granger." He said with a vehemence that surprised me. He started grading his papers with more force than before and I knew I had been dismissed.

When I met up with Harry and Rom in transfiguration I pointedly ignored their probing questions and let myself slip into the trance I had become so comfortable with. It wasn't necessarily meditation, I could see and watch the going ons around me, but my conscious was taking safe refuge in the inner depths of my mind and I was letting my subconscious take control of my actions. It was a technique I had taught myself to distance create distance from the world while I grieved, and reverted too still on bad days like this. From what little I could find on the subject of occlumency, this was a form of occlumency. It was generally only used though in torture situations to keep the conscious mind from cracking. Apparently my life had got to the point where just everyday life was torture.

My feeling of isolation and detachment was only increased when we were in the common rooms that night. It was the second night back at Hogwarts, so not much homework had been assigned and everyone was laughing and joking, the common room full of excitement that I couldn't handle.

"You okay Minione?" Harry asked giving me a concerned smile from on the ground next to my chair where he was sitting with Ginny playing some sort of wizarding board game that I had never gotten the hang of.

"Fine Harry." A part of me felt a surge of annoyance at him for only just now noticing that something was up. I had been upset for two months now, hiding out in the libraries of Grimwald place, barely able to eat, never sleeping, and just now he realizes that something is wrong? I know he's a guy, and their emotions work differently, but surely they aren't completely oblivious to everything that doesn't concern them right?

I got up after a few minutes throwing them a lazy excuse about being tired and headed up to the safety of my bed. I slipped under the familiar red covers glad I could relax and not pretend like I was happy and fine. I could let my thoughts drift and not have to worry about people interrupting me asking me pointless things like how was lunch? Have you finished your muggle studies paper? Who do you think will be the next gryffindor beater? My answer to all of that was who freaking cares, but that would draw attention so I would make up some diplomatic response.

As my mind drifted it strayed back to the look of guilt on Professor Snape's face when I mentioned his friends killing my parents. He had seemed guilty. In order to be guilty he would have to care in some shape or fashion. I knew he was a master of occlumency, so his emotions wouldn't be as easy to decipher as a normal person's emotions, so to be able to get a glimpse into his mind, even for a second was startling. Then there also was the question of why did he care? He had never shown any interest in my well-being before now. Had something changed? Or was it just the guilt that any human being would feel when responsible for another person's pain?

I rolled onto my stomach and snuggled into my pillow absorbing the warmth of the soft down resisting the urge to fall asleep. I knew if I slept I would have nightmares, so I eventually got up and pulled out a book with a sigh. I would be tired in the morning, but I didn't care. I had barely slept in months and I had managed, exhaustion was better than reliving my parents death over and over. I considered getting a dreamless sleep potion from Professor Snape, but knew the answer would be a no so I resigned myself to reading about the intricacies of wandless magic.

The week passed excruciatingly slow. I didn't really pay attention to my surroundings until I found myself standing at the potions masters' door knocking for my Saturday detention.

"Enter." I winced at the unusually cold tone. He was definitely still mad at me. I entered the room slowly surprised he wasn't at his teaching desk as normal, but at the student's desk instead. He was making a potion at one of the desks slowly stirring the potion with a look of intense concentration on his face. His hair was pulled back out of his face, and his sleeves were rolled up, including his left arm leaving his dark mark exposed. I had never seen it before so I tried not to stare at the black branding, but unable to hide my interest. He looked so relaxed I felt like I was intruding, which I was, but at his request.

"Is that Veritaserum?" I asked gently afraid if I talked too loud I would break his concentration. He glanced briefly up at me without any of his usual glare or malice and I let my shoulders relax realizing he wasn't still mad at me.

"No Granger, it is a potion I myself created, it eases the effects of the cruciatus curse and repairs the damage to the nerves." I watched in interest as he chopped some acaia leaf with his left arm realizing for the first time that he was left handed. He dropped the chopped leaf into the potion then started chopping some mandrake root with a gracefulness that seemed unnatural for someone who was as tall and muscular as he was. I watched for a few minutes my guilt at my outburst growing watching him make a potion that I'm sure he created out of pure desperation. He was a spy, even if he had been there, he didn't have any choice in it, I highly doubted he got a kick out of tormenting and killing innocent people, he seemed sadistic, but not psychopath sadistic.

"I'm sorry for my outburst earlier this week." He dropped the mandrake root into the potion and stirred it slowly, his eyes not leaving the concoction as it turned from a clear thin liquid, to a dark grey thick goo that I couldn't imagine tasting very good.

"The difference between a slytherin and a gryffindor is that a slytherin will never apologize for something they weren't in the wrong for." He said coldly after a moment. My eyes widened in surprise when I took in the meaning of his words, realizing that was about as close to an apology as I would ever get from him.

"Were you there?" I asked after a moment. I didn't have to elaborate any further, I knew he knew exactly what I was asking about. He put a stasis charm on the potion and rolled down his sleeves pinning me with a piercing gaze that seemed almost unconscious. What I wouldn't give to be so intimidating without even paying attention.

"How many death eaters so you know with black hair Ms. Granger?" I slipped onto the desk behind me, sitting on the edge as I considered is question. I had never really thought about it, the death eater's hair color was the last thing I had cared about in the moment. I tried to focus on the memory hoping to make out the hair color of the death eaters, I knew one was Lucius from his long blond hair, but the rest had brown hair right? No, one had stood to the side for the majority of the time observing and giving commands when necessary. He had obviously been the one in charge, and he had been the one to kill my parents. I tried to focus on the distant memory of him, a difficult task since he wasn't too involved, but then I could see it, he had black hair. My eyes shot up to his and I knew why he had looked guilty when I had said one of his friends had killed my parents, it had been him. He walked slowly over to me, his face ever the perfect mask, but he stopped mere inches from me and wiped away the tears I hadn't realized I'd shed.

"I knew they would be tortured to insanity anyways, then killed, I had wanted to end it as quickly as possible." He explained evenly, the coldness he usually had temporarily gone from his expression. I took a shuddering breath trying to calm the tears, but my heart ached with such an intensity that I couldn't help but cry. He sighed and pulled me against his chest letting me cry onto his white shirt, which I'm sure would stain. I melted into the embrace letting the tears flow sucking in the comfort I had so desperately needed for the last few months. I don't know how long I had been crying when I ran out of tears and laid against his chest tiredly letting him hold me tightly feeling nothing but safe in his arms. He smelled of cedar and pine, probably from gathering potions in the forest, but I breathed in the scent and exhaled slowly enjoying the calming effect it seemed to have on me.

I hadn't really expected to be comforted by the professor, he didn't really seem like the sentimental type, but his arms held me against him, surrounding me as if he could protect me from the world just by holding me, and for right now, he could. I closed my eyes when he made gently calming circles on the small of my back, easing out the last of my tension I hadn't realized I had been holding onto.

"If I let you go, are you going to meltdown again on me?" He asked, the words having no real malice to them. His voice rumbled in his chest deep and melodic. I nodded my head against his chest earning myself a deep laugh. I had never even thought he was capable of laughing, let alone at me. He pulled me gently away from him ending the embrace. I wasn't the only one who seemed to have profited from then hug, he looked less tense, his face was already back to an impassive mask, but there was a sparkle in his eyes that suggested he wasn't nearly as weighed down as before.

"You are to make a healing drought for your detention." He order, his voice even as if he hadn't just been holding me. I nodded slipping off the desk trying to hide my hurt when he nodded briefly and went to his desk to grade papers, his gentle side completely gone replaced by the cold professor I had always known. I could take him assigning me the healing drought instead of cleaning caldrons as a compliment, but I got the feeling it was something much less personal, and more probably just what he was low on at that time. I got started on the healing drought arguing with myself in my internal dialogue trying to discern his intentions. He had just been comforting the person whose parents he'd killed, that's it. He doesn't feel anything different towards me, I'm still the annoying know it all he's always known and hated. He was only hugging me out of indifferent guilt. I glanced up at him several times while making the potion, but he always kept his eyes trained on his work. I was almost done with the healing drought when he jerked back in his chair and grabbed his arm with a hiss.

"You can leave." He snapped slamming open a drawer and pulling out what I knew to be his death eater robes.

"I'm not finished yet."

"Leave." He almost yelled, the pain lacing his voice. He yanked off his teaching robes and put on the stiff death eater robes, buttoning them up with a wave of his hand. I barely held back a gasp when he put on the bone mask in front of me, terror going through me despite knowing even if he wanted to hurt me, he was in too much pain to do so, not to mention he would have done so before now. It was just a mask, but the fear it created was quite real. He threw some floo powder in the fireplace and stepped in not stopping to make me leave since he was in such a rush, but as he called out Malfoy manor, our eyes locked for the briefest of seconds through the holes in the bone mask, and I would have given anything to know exactly what he was thinking in that moment. His eyes were cold and black giving nothing away, and the next second, he was gone.

I paced anxiously awaiting his return. I knew that he could handle himself, he had done this a million times, but I still knew that if I left now and he ended up dyeing because I had left knowing where he had gone, then I would be responsible for his death. I wasn't sure how long these things normally took, but I had the feeling it would be at least a few hours so I resigned myself to a long wait.

It had been noon when he had left, so by six I was getting worried, and bored out of my mind. I had spent a good couple of hours trying to break the wards on his desk, but hadn't had any luck. I sighed dramatically and went over to his potion that was still on stasis in the cauldron. It swirled out of its own accord, its metallic grey actually quite beautiful. It was thick so it's swirling was slow, but still noticeable. I knew he was a brilliant man, but to create a potion like this from scratch was amazing. I looked over the copious amounts of notes that he had spread out over the desk and noticed that his was not his first time making the potion. The instructions had so many layers of editing to it, that it was completely illegible.

I picked up some of the newer and less edited papers and tried to decipher the complex equations and partial notes that made very little sense, but it was truly a code of his own. No wonder he had been so focused when I came in, it probably was almost impossible for even him to decipher the notes. I gave up putting the paper down exactly as I had found it knowing he would notice if I moved it even an inch. I wandered the room aimlessly looking for something to occupy my mind when I saw the door. I hadn't ever noticed it before, but now it was calling out to me like the most enchanting song I'd ever heard. I glanced around just to make sure he hadn't snuck in while I was lost in thought and tried to open the door, practically bouncing with joy when it opened for me. It led to a walk-in closet filled with shelves of what I could only deduce was his personal items. Books, photo albums, old school supplies, some collectible potion ingredients (most of which were highly illegal) and the most interesting of all items was the ornate stone basin that was positioned directly in front of me, as if it was the most used and most important item in the closet. It was a dark stone that had stone snakes slithering realistically up the side of the stone basin and going headfirst into the silvery liquid in the basin.

I could only imagine what kind of potion was in this basin, it was surely very illegal and most likely quite intoxicating. I had heard of certain addictive and mind altering potions, but none of which were silver. I hadn't really thought of someone as concerned with power as Professor Snape as being a druggie, but I couldn't say I was shocked with his stressful job as a spy. My instincts told me not to touch the potion, but my curiosity won out and I dipped my finger in it, just for a taste. I was instantly sucked down into the potion falling until I hit a wooden floor, the air completely knocked out of me. As soon as I got my bearings, I realized my horrid mistake, this was no potion, it was a pensive. The very pensive Harry had gotten trapped in last year. Professor Snape was going to kill me! I tried to wish my way out, tried every incantation I could think of waving my wand around like a madmen hoping something would work, but the small bedroom stayed the same grimy bedroom and I was still looking at a young version of Professor Snape. He was reading a book on the thin and moldy mattress leaned over in complete concentration looking the epitome of a book worm. His concentration snapped abruptly when he heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs, and the book was rapidly hidden and the light turned out, but not before I saw the look of utter terror on his face. I breathed deeply trying to hold back my panic attack, but the door swung open with a loud bang in the darkness and I knew that I didn't want to see this.

"Where is it? I know you've been reading those damned books again!" I closed my eyes trying to block out my future professors pained screams as he was hit with some hard object that I refused to open my eyes and see. The noise stopped abruptly and I took in a shuddering breath in the silence fearing the worst of my professor despite knowing that there is no way his father could have killed him considering he was still alive today, but when I heard a soft tapping of a hard boot, I realized that the horror of the memory wasn't so bad after all.

"Enjoying yourself Granger?" I opened my eyes to see myself standing exactly where I had been before I had gotten caught in the pensive, facing the offending stone basin. Professor Snape was standing tapping his foot behind me. Did he know I had gone in the pensive? Or had I gotten out of my own accord? Best to just act like he didn't know unless he gave me reason to believe otherwise. I turned around slowly trying ineffectively to hide my guilt.

"How did you get in here?" He stopped tapping his foot, and leaned casually against the doorframe to the closet, the cold death in his eyes a complete contrast to his seemingly relaxed stance. I gulped and made to sure not to think of the trip I had just taken in his pensive.

"I just opened the door." He sneered at this his eyes growing even darker if possible.

"Is that supposed to be a joke Granger?" All of the softness from earlier was gone and the most feared person the school was back full force. I shifted uncomfortable wondering if he would use the cruciatus on me despite its illegal status. He surely looked mad enough right now. As if he had read my thoughts, his eyes flashed in anger and he pushed himself off the doorframe stalking towards me with a deliberate power that made a surge of fear run through me. He didn't stop at a foot away, so I backed away hitting the shelve behind me trying to keep some distance between us, but he put an arm on both sides of me blocking any potential route for escape, only an inch between us, and his anger pliable in the little distance between us.

"Cruciatus is not what you should be afraid of Granger." He growled deeply, a shiver going down my spine, and it wasn't from fear. I had never looked into his eyes at such a close distance, but when I did, I realized that he was high. His eyes were actually a dark brown, something I had never noticed before since I didn't make it a habit to be a mere inch from the intimidating professor, but his pupils right took up almost his entire iris.

"You're high." I stated matter of factly. My fear had abated somewhat, and curiosity had taken over.

"What Granger." He seemed thrown off by the accusation, backing up slightly from me. I tipped his chin down gently so I could see his eyes better and knew I was right. He stilled when my fingers touched his chin and I saw a dark emotion in his eyes for the briefest of seconds that had nothing to do with anger.

"I said your high. Have you been smoking?" He gave me an indignant look, but I wouldn't be deterred.

"No? Did he hit you with the cruciatus curse?" He didn't respond, but I knew from his lack of response that he had been.

"Interesting, in your body's attempt to heal itself, it seems to manufacture its own form of drugs, it make sense, and it's probably your body's way to keeping itself from succumbing to the damage of the cruciatus curse, to keep you functioning and aware while in a life or death situation." I said softly more to myself than to him. I had always been fascinated with the body's ability to preserve itself, but this was a unique case I had never heard about such a situation before. He didn't put more distance between us despite his anger having worn off now and the lack of need for him to be cornering me against his shelf.

"Point being?"

"No point. Just fascinated me I suppose." He growled deep in his throat and I knew if he was fully aware of himself he wouldn't be in such a compromising position with me, but since he wasn't, I couldn't help but enjoy myself. His death eater's robes were thicker than his teacher's robes and had more ornate stitching on them. I absentmindedly ran a hand over the stiff material, feeling a certain rush of danger and fear knowing what power it represented. I looked up at Professor Snape taking in the darkness in his eyes that were blank as always, but somehow so deep. The emotion was there, I was certain of it, it was just hidden under layers upon layers of occlumency.

"You should go Granger." I hummed not really caring. I used to be so concerned with rules and being the perfect gryffindor, but right now, all I cared about was being in a moment where it wasn't so painful that I had to hide in the depths of my mind. The danger of tempting a death eater was real, and it cut through the thick fog that had surrounded me for months now. I could tell that his resolve was wavering and I slowly unbuttoned his shirt taking my time with every button enjoying how his breath hitched when I got to the last button.

"Granger." It was a warning. I gave him a shy, but playful smile knowing I had won when I had run my hands over his bare and well-toned chest and earned myself a deep growl.

"You're playing with fire Granger, I can't be held accountable for my actions right now." He said darkly, looking at my lips with a dark lust that took my breath away.

"I'll take my chances." I said giving him grin and pulling him closer to me so we were touching, what little distance there had been left in between us closed, daring him to kiss me.


	2. The road turns

Severus's point of view in this chap.

I could feel her lips brushing against mine and barely held back a groan at the soft contact. She was innocent, soft, and smelled of roses and cinnamon, nothing like the whores I had become so used to in the darker recesses of knockturn alley. The floo roared in the classroom and I grinned at the fear I saw in her wide eyes. No fear when baiting a death eater, but the thought of being _caught_ baiting a death eater, now that was fearsome. She started mouthing for me to get off her and frantically tried to push me off her, but I shook my head not budging enjoying toying with her. It was just the headmaster, I had sent for him earlier, but the headmaster let me do pretty much whatever I wanted so he wouldn't even bat an eye to our unorthodox position. Not to mention that Granger was an adult and perfectly capable of being held responsible for her actions.

"Severus I just got your report, I have to go to a meeting with the minister of magic right now, but tomorrow we need to sit down and discuss alternatives." The headmaster stated walking into the closet looking down at an armful of papers that he was rifling through.

"Sure, whatever suits you headmaster." I said offhandedly returning my attention back to Granger. She stilled beneath me and I knew from her terrified expression that the headmaster had finally looked up to see us.

"Severus you know I cannot allow you to kill a student just for going in your personal stores right? How did you get in here anyways Hermione?" She looked up at me shocked at the headmasters pointed obviousness to the situation and cleared her throat when I finally released her, my fun over.

"I just walked in." The headmaster gave her a shocked look, but quickly recovered shaking his head and turning around to leave for his meeting.

"Severus, I would highly suggest you enlighten Ms. Granger on the situation since she is at your disposal at the moment." I followed after the senile man ignoring Granger's curious expression when she entered the classroom with us.

"I think that would be highly unwise Albus. She's..."

"Just a child?" The insufferable man finished giving me a pointed look, his eyes lacking their normal twinkle.

"I think we both know that's not the case Severus." I glared at the old man, my good mood from earlier completely gone at the prospect of having to be the one to tell Granger the bad news.

"Why can't you do it? It would be better coming from a friend, not the person who killed her parents."

"Tell me what?" Granger asked softly, my chest constricting painfully at the innocent eyes that looked at me curiously.

"I'll leave you to it then." The headmaster said gently ignoring my heated glare before flooing back out leaving me with the dreaded task.

"What's going on?" I sighed and waved for her to sit down, intending for her to sit on a chair, but she slid onto the edge of a desk instead. I paced in front of her trying not to make eye contact knowing I didn't want to see the horror in her eyes when I told her the news. She had already been through so much, it seemed wrong for life to be making her go through even more. _Get a grip of yourself Severus, she's just another student. Don't start getting all sentimental, it will only make it worse. _I sighed heavily and stopped my pacing right in front the girl. I needed to just get it over with. Like a band aid, just say it and have it done with.

"The dark lord is angry that you didn't tell Potter about your parents, so he has made a new plan." I saw her face pale at this, but she nodded for me to continue.

"He has ordered your death now." I tried not to take in her horrified expression, but I couldn't help myself. Her eyes grew wet and I feared that she would start crying again, but she nodded stiffly and tipped her chin up rather than curling into herself like I expected, and her bright brown eyes grew if anything, more determined.

"Okay. So what are we going to do?"

"We don't exactly have a plan yet." She nodded and drew in a shaky breath. I knew I should be distancing myself from her, I knew it would be detrimental to get close to her, especially if we were not successful, but I still found myself being admired at the strength I saw in her eyes. It was the same stubborn determination I had seen in her eyes when her parents were being tortured. She never once begged us to save them, she didn't turn into a quivering mess like I'd seen happen countless times before when I was forced to attend such missions. She knew it wouldn't make a difference, so she sat and watched the terror with a strength and composure that I had only ever seen before in the strongest of witches.

"Why don't we just find a reason for me to be valuable? He wouldn't want me dead if I was more useful alive then dead." I nodded already having figured out this much, though slightly surprised that Granger had come up with the same thought as I had so quickly.

"Your pretty damn valuable dead, so it would have to something big."

"I could join him."

"No." I said with more venom than necessary surprising her, and myself.

"I just mean that he would never buy it. The timing would be too convenient, let alone you've made your side pretty clear." She nodded looking a little dejected at my abrupt dismissal of her idea, but there was no way I was going to let her become one of his minions. I would rather she was killed.

"Okay, well I'll think about it and let you know if I come up with anything." I nodded and met her strong eyes trying to keep my expression neutral knowing distance was best, but still entranced by them. I took a step towards her the air suddenly thick with a tension that I didn't remember being there only a second ago. _DISTANCE! _The more rational part of my mind kept shouting, but the less rational side of me that I usually kept under a tight reigns was fighting back, suddenly alive with a desire to not be in complete rational control of myself.

"You should look over the books in my rooms, they might give you some ideas, mind you though, they are very dark." I could have kicked the rational part of my brain for it's annoying habit of doing the right thing, but at least with her in my rooms I could still be near her, so it wasn't as bad as dismissing her. She nodded, her eyes wide with excitement at the prospect of new books to absorb despite the horrid reason why, so I led her into my rooms through the side door in the classroom.

"Never tell anyone my rooms are right here." She nodded fervently, not that anyone would believe her anyways since I always kept the door under a glamour when not using it. She followed me into my sitting rooms, a trusting dove, not showing the slightest bit of fear at going into the dreaded bat of the dungeons cave. Well, it was hardly a cave anyways, it was a warm, but beautiful room with a soft, but stern looking leather couch, matching chair that she better not sit on, a warm fireplace, surrounded by bookshelves, and behind the sitting area a drinking cabinet and small kitchen off to the side, and an enchanted waterfall that provided a soothing background noise. The waterfall was a creation of my own that had water that came out of a crevice in the ceiling and flowed into the hardwood floor disappearing without dampening the floor. I couldn't even remember the last time I had allowed anyone into my oasis, and the surprise and excitement on her beautiful face was certainly worth it.

"Can I?" She asked walking over to the waterfall curiously. I nodded and watched her put her hand in the water and almost grinned at the look of surprise on her face when it came out wet.

"No, Granger, it is not an illusion." She gave me a knowing but shy smile.

"Who would have thought you of all people was good at charms?" I gave her a deathly glare that only seemed to increase her amusement.

"No-one if you keep your mouth shut about it." She shook her head, but let the subject drop gliding over to the bookshelf closest to her. She tossed her robes onto my couch offhandedly, not realizing the intense surge of thoughts that the unconscious act put in my head. She reached up for a book, her skirt modest in length, but still riding up enough to allow me a view of her beautifully smooth legs. She turned around when she got the book she had wanted, but luckily hadn't noticed my open staring at her slender form that I could see the outlines of through her slightly loose white shirt.

"I'm going to take a shower, feel free to read whatever you want Granger. Stay out of my cabinet though." She gave me a distracted nod and sat down in my chair, the entirety of the couch apparently not good enough for her. I sighed and went to take a shower to clear my thoughts.

I let the hot water cascade over me, hoping it would give me some clarity to the situation, but was finding that my thoughts were only going in circles that were becoming even more and more confused. She was my student. A very attractive student, but still a student. I should not be thinking about her in any way besides the way I would think about a normal student. I groaned in frustration when I thought back to her cheeky smile when she was trying to get me to kiss her. I should never have let it get to that point. She wasn't a whore from knockturn alley, she was innocent. She only wanted me because she was going through a lot right now, it had nothing to do with me. She wanted excitement and to forget everything. Something I could definitely understand, but I shouldn't take it personally. I was just the bat of the dungeons to her, if I let myself think anything more, it would just end up in heartbreak for me.

I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist not wanting to get dressed yet for bed with Granger still here. I brushed through my freshly washed hair in front of the mirror in my wardrobe, not bothering to dry it for fear of drying it out. With how much time I spent with toxic chemicals in the air, I had to be very careful about how I took care of my hair which includes only natural hair drying. I could just cut the hair off like most potion masters did, but I had become quite fond of my hair. It had saved my life numerous times when the cruelty of a revel with the dark lord was too much, and my I knew if the Dark Lord got eye contact, he would get through my shields and know my true thoughts. I just leaned my head forward and my hair blocked him from getting the much needed eye contact.

I knew I should probably go check on Granger, but that would involve getting dressed, so I instead collapsed on my ridiculously large bed sinking into my soft covers. It had been a long day, I deserved some time to myself anyways, so I let my thoughts drift and was almost asleep when I heard something crash in the living room. I jumped out of bed, hitting my head on the headboard in my rush to see what was going on, rushing out the door with my wand up and ready for whatever stupid intruder had decided to come into my cavern.

"What's going on Granger?" I snapped when I got into the living room not pleased with the interruption to my private time, even if it was for Granger. She was in the little kitchen trying to sweep something up off the floor like a right muggle.

"I'm sorry Professor, I just wanted to get a drink, but I dropped the milk bottle, I guess my hands are a little bit shaky." She rambled, her efforts quickened when she realized I had come out. I sighed and walked over to see that she had indeed shattered my milk and was trying to clean it up the muggle way. I didn't own a broom, so she thought to use her magic, but to conjure a broom? She so brilliant, and yet…such a ditz.

"Granger, instead of conjuring the broom, why don't you levitate the shards to the trash can?" I lectured impatiently, folding my arms and leaning against the counter to watch her fumble with the mess. She looked up at me in surprise, but her eyes widened when she caught sight of me in my bath towel. I probably should have put some clothes on judging by the shock, and blush on her face.

"Ye..yes. Your right." She stammered starting to get up, but wavering and falling backwards before I could catch her.

"Ouch." I grabbed her arms and lifted her up off the shards, steading her when she swayed slightly even with my assistance.

"When was the last time you ate?" She shrugged, looking pointedly down at the floor, unable to look at me in my partially clothed state.

"Go sit down Granger." I snapped impatiently giving her a slight push in the direction of the sitting room. She nodded keeping her head down and left me to the mess not looking up at me as she walked past me. Stubborn girl. I hadn't intended to keep her all Saturday without eating. I had told her to leave when I had been called away, why she didn't at least get lunch then! I waved away the shards sending them to the trash can, and got rid of the damn broom. Who sweeps with a broom in this day and age anyways? Even muggle shad all sorts of high tech sucker machines now didn't they?

I turned to go lecture her some more in the living room, but a spot of red on the floor caught my eye. I shook my head at the stubborn gryffindor. Of course she would hide an injury from me and try to pretend like it didn't happen. I scourgifyed the floor and went back into the living room as quiet as possible. Unsurprisingly, she was sitting in my chair leaning over her hand mumbling impatient healing commands getting even more impatient as they remarkably failed her in her frustrated state.

"Granger." I ordered, walking into the bathroom waiting for her to follow me. I held my hand out for the injured hand and turned the tap on as cold as possible to stem the flow of the blood. She looked a little surprised at this, but didn't give any objection, only wincing slightly when I pulled a shard of glass out of her hand.

"Never attempt to heal a wound when there is glass in it, at best it won't heal, at worst, it will heal around the glass and you need to have the wound cut open again to get the glass out." I lectured coldly carefully pulling another shard from her hand, glad I had such good hand eye coordination from the years of brewing. The shards were small, but stuck in a cut that was deeper and had obviously been caused by a large shard when she fell back on it. She watched me cleaning her wound with a strange expression on her face.

"What Granger." She hesitated before answering ignoring the harsh tone I used with her.

"Just surprised your being so gentle." I growled but didn't respond. It wouldn't do to let her think I was being gentle with her out of some misguided affection. No, this was what I would do for any student. At least that's what I was telling myself as I gently pried out the last shard then murmured the soft enchantment to heal the wound. When it was healed completely, the skin was soft and unblemished as before, even when I ran a finger over where the cut had just been.

"Thanks. I used the same spell, but I guess I'm just not as good with healing." I looked down at her and unconsciously ran a hand through her soft curls loving the way it tamed with the pressure of my hand, but then sprung back to life the instant the pressure was gone. She looked up at me with her innocent eyes and I cleared my throat and dropped my hand backing away slightly from her.

"Well it's all got to do with intent Granger. You were angry, you can't heal something when you're angry." She nodded and looked down at her hand observing my handiwork with something akin to admiration, shifting nervously in front of me obviously not sure whether to go or stay.

"You should go continue your studies, or else go to bed." I informed her shortly hoping she would stay, but not allowing myself to hold my breath. I was supposed to be acting as if she were any other student, and with any other student I would be counting down the minute till they left. She settled herself down on my floor thank God not taking up my chair again, but sitting at the foot of the chair instead with at least a dozen of my old tombs spread out around her. I changed quickly feeling completely indecent anyway, let alone being half-naked around the girl. I pulled on some slacks and a black shirt not figuring she would respond any better to my bed attire, which was just my boxers. I could already see her eyes growing wide as saucers and her blush that would go prettily across her soft features. I had always assumed that she had been with Krum, but considering how embarrassed she had been seeing me without a shirt on, I highly doubted that this was the case.

I pulled myself out of my thoughts and went back into the living room pausing to consider where to sit. I could sit next to her in my chair, or I could sit on the dreaded couch. I grabbed a book on the advanced principles of spell making and sat down in my chair careful not to touch the girl sitting at my feet. She barely seemed to notice me, ruffling through the pages of a book on war theory. I watched her over my book, her features contorted in concentration looking for anything that could possibly help make herself valuable to the dark lord. It would be a miracle if she found anything, and if she did find something, it definitely wouldn't be in a book. I had suggested the idea only to help her feel like there was a hope, when there wasn't really any.

"Professor?" She asked after we had been sitting in silence for a good thirty minutes. I grunted in response barely staying awake after the long day, but unwilling to leave her alone in my rooms with her curiosity.

"Why did you become a death eater?" I had expected a question about my rooms, or even why I had even been considering kissing her earlier, but not one about my past. I closed the book I had been pretending to read and leaned my head on my hand lazily watching her sift through the books.

"Why did you join the light side?" She glanced up at me, looking confused at this question.

"It just seemed to be the right thing to do."

"Exactly." I said patiently, surprised when she turned around abandoning her books.

"You thought it was the right thing to do to kill muggleborns?" Her voice was soft and held no accusation despite the fact that I knew it hurt her personally to think that I thought less of her just because of her heritage. I wasn't the type to share any sort of personal details of my life, but I couldn't hold anything back from her curious brown eyes.

"No. No one goes into the death eaters thinking they will commit hundreds of pointless murders. They join for the power and protection it provides." She nodded and was quiet for a moment, playing with the edge of one of the papers in the book she had been reading.

"What were you trying to protect?" I was shocked at her deduction assuming that she would assume I was addicted to the power, especially after the condition I had been in this afternoon after dealing with the dark lord.

"What makes you think I was trying to protect something and not out for the power?" She grinned and leaned on my leg, folding her arms and effectively using my leg as a pillow. I should be furious for her complete lack of personal boundaries, but I just glared at her.

"You're nothing if not protective." I knew there was no point in arguing with the insufferable know-it-all so I just leaned back in my chair trying to decide what exactly to tell her.

"My mother made the mistake of marrying a muggle. The dark Lord didn't view this too kindly so added them to his list for tainting the pure line of Prince. I exchanged my loyalty for her safety."

"Do you regret it?" I opened my mouth to respond but wasn't sure what to say. I honestly couldn't say if I regretted it or not. I have given up any chance of happiness for my mother, who got herself killed in one of my father's drunken rages after I had pleaded for her to leave him. Once you joined the dark lord, there was no going back, so she had stuck me with two masters who I didn't want to serve.

"I don't know." I answered truthfully frowning at the girl. She yawned tiredly, her eyes slowly falling in her exhaustion. I had noticed the black marks under her eyes on the rare occasion I had seen her in grimwald place and had felt guilty for it knowing it was my fault, so I didn't have the heart to send her back to her dorms and risk her not getting to sleep.

"Professor?" She mumbled through her sleepy fog.

"Yes?" I asked deeply, not unaware of how intimate the position was.

"Thank you." I wasn't sure what she was thanking me for so I didn't respond. I doubted she even knew what she was thanking me for. Her breathing quickly evened out and I picked her up easily and laid her on the couch trying not to breath in her glorious scent of rose petals. She probably spent a lot of time in the gardens since she didn't smell like the gaudy manufactured rose petals, but the real things. I had intended to lay her down then walk away before I could get any more bad ideas, but I didn't move after I laid her down. I watched her chest rise softly up and down and realized with a pang of guilt that I had forgotten to feed her. I had meant to give her something, but had gotten caught up in taking care of her cut. I brushed a tendril of her soft brown hair out of her face and knew I could fight it all I wanted too, but somehow she had gotten ahold of me in a way that nobody had done so in almost twenty years.

She deserved better than me, I knew she was young and hormonal, so just because she was into me now, didn't mean she was going to stay into me. If she even lived. People who got close to me always seemed to die, so I knew keeping her at an arms distance was best, but the tightness in my chest let me know that I had a reason to fight. The war that had held so little interest to me for so long now actually meant something, and even though I didn't have any potential of a future with such a brilliant witch, I was going to make sure she made it through the war alive, and if she didn't, there would be hell to pay.

I went over to my drinking cabinet and pulled down my favorite bottle of firewhisky. It had been a long day and for right now, I just needed to forget that if I didn't find a way to protect Granger, that the dark lord would kill her, or worse order me to kill her.

So what do you think? Please read and review, it keeps me going!


	3. Scheming gryfindors

Just FYI, Lemons in this chapter, this is where it's getting rated R, so if you don't like, don't read! Otherwise enjoy!

I hadn't really expected to fall asleep, it had been my goal in life to stay awake for the last few months, but the warm fire lolled me into a deep sleep. My dreams were twisted and convoluted, so dark that even asleep I only skimmed the surface of the thoughts. One started to clarify and I found myself in a closet much like the one I had found myself in earlier today with Professor Snape holding onto the doorframe with one hand, and trying to grab me with the other one, the room tipped sideways as if falling and water quickly flooding into the small space.

"Grab my hand!" I reached out for his hand desperately, our fingers touching but not able to get ahold of his wet fingers. A sudden wall of water came at the same space and I saw the fear in the professor's eyes before it swept him into the room and he was washed into the wall behind me, disappearing like the water did in his waterfall in his living room, leaving no trace that he had ever been there. I screamed in terror and started yanking all his items off his shelf to get to the wall tossing the stone basin to the floor with a crack, its silvery contents spilling out.

"Ms. Granger!" I spun around at his panicked voice, hope surging through me when I saw him standing over me. The rushing water turned into a soft trickle, and the shaking was my own heartbeat thundering in my chest so hard every inch of my body was trembling. Professor Snape's closet faded around me and the soft interior of his rooms materialized, including a very concerned potions professor who had been shaking me.

"I'm sorry." I choked grabbing ahold of his bare arm to help stabilize the room that was trying to fade around me again into the horrid nightmare.

"You were screaming my name. I thought someone was attacking you." He stated with a frown, seeming perplexed as to why I had been screaming his name, and I wasn't about to tell him either.

"I'm sorry, it was just a bad dream." He nodded, his dark eyes roaming over my body as if to make sure that my attackers had really been fake. My cheeks burned at his intense look, but not from embarrassment. He hummed thoughtfully sitting down beside me without his normal grace, not removing my hand that was still clutched to his arm.

"Kirby!" He called abruptly, his eyes never leaving my form. His shirt was unbuttoned like it had been in the closet and his normally perfect hair was slightly messy making him look rather charming somehow. A loud pop interrupted my thoughts that were starting to go in a bad direction very fast.

"Yes Master Snape." A small, but well clothed house elf asked with a squeak.

"Get Ms. Granger here some food." The house elf nodded excitedly despite the tired look in his eyes that signified that it had been sleeping like every other sane person in the world. Professor Snape yawned and laid down next to me on the couch, not embracing me, but not avoiding contact either. I scooted over as much as I could to accommodate him, but felt a whisper of suspicion at his uncharacteristic behavior. When Kirby came back with the tray of food, I leaned over Snape, who I was now sure was asleep, to accept a pasty getting a very distinctive whiff of firewhisky from him. How much did the man drink? He always seemed to be on some sort of substance or another, though the high after dealing with the dark lord was hardly his fault. Still slightly concerning though.

I ate the pasty quickly, my heart rate slowly returning to its normal beat and considered kicking him off the couch, only deciding against it since it was his rooms and he would probably be pissed if I did that. Instead I laid down next to him drinking in his cedar scent ignoring the ting of firewhisky. I couldn't really blame him for getting drunk, if I was the type to drink I would definitely be smashed right about now, sometimes in life, all you could do was go through life with closed eyes and a lot of drink to get you through the times you couldn't close your eyes.

I tried not to touch him just in case he woke up and got mad, but he gave me no option when he pulled me up against him without even opening his eyes. I didn't object and laid against his chest listening to the slow, but powerful beat of his heart smiling when I realized that I now knew for sure that cold potions master had a heart. It didn't take me long to drift off with my stomach now at least not gnawing on my backbone, and the warm embraced he secured me in making me feel uncharacteristically safe.

I woke up alone and cold, something I shouldn't have been shocked about since he wasn't the sentimental kind most of the time, and had never seemed the type to wake up in another's arms and be pleased, but it still stung at least just a little. He had just been drunk, that's all, he hadn't realized what he was doing so I shouldn't take it personally that he laid down with me, let alone his convenient leaving before I could wake up. I knew classes had probably already started and I was already late, but I couldn't bring myself to get off the soft couch. The fire had died down so the room had a chill, but I compensated for this but pulling up the blanket he had covered me with at some point and choosing to ignore the world. I didn't even bother trying to finish the research I had started last night for an answer to my predicament, knowing the books would hold no answers for me. I was going to die and that was the cold hard truth. I couldn't run from it, I couldn't avoid it. It was my fate and I should just get used to it and enjoy the time that I had left.

The stronger part of me fought this idea viciously so I tried in vain to tune it out. _You can't give up. He had your parents killed, and now wants to kill you, and you're just going to sit back and take it! You might as well just kill yourself you weak witch! _I growled at this side of me taking the challenge seriously. Fine then, I will I told myself knowing how crazy it was when you not only talked to yourself, but answered. I was probably cracking under the stress, an idea I would have been having a conniption over just a few months ago, but welcomed now.

I got up from the couch and opened a few doors until I got to the door that led to his private stores of potions. I moved without any further thought on the matter and sorted through the shelves looking for a potion that was toxic enough to kill myself, moving the glass bottles around making them clink together so I could see the labels the meticulous professor had put on them. Finally in the back of one of the shelves I saw what I was looking for, the label didn't have the potion's name on it, but gave a description.

For the end.

I picked up the bright purple potion and swirled it a few times, noting the dust that covered the vial. He had a potion for the end. He didn't want to live past the end of the war. The realization hit me hard enough to stop my warring, and maybe slightly delirious mind's internal arguing. I had always knew he didn't really have much to live for, but to see it here in front of me was painful. He had just about as much to live for as I did. Sure, I had Harry and Ron, but they had become so immersed in their own lives that they barely noticed when I was there of when I was absent. They didn't need me, so were hardly a reason to live. I put the vial down gently and waved my hand over the shelves putting all the vials back to their original position so he would know I had been in here and left the closet with a heavy heart.

I ate some more of the food the professor's house elf had brought me and took off for the astronomy tower. Not because of any insane internal argument I was having with myself, but just to clear my head and hopefully come up with an answer to my dilemma. Classes were almost over for the day by the time I left Snape's room and I realized I had slept through the rest of the night and through the morning, and still felt tired as if I could sleep for a few more hours. I lifted the door to the astronomy tower and immediately wished I had brought a sweater, the chill of the early September air cutting especially with the soft, but persistent wind at the top of the tower.

I inhaled deeply enjoying the rush of oxygen that seemed to clear my thoughts and organize my scattered theories. Voldemort wouldn't believe I had suddenly changed sides, so that idea was out the door. Voldemort wanted power, but I didn't have any talents that a million other people with better blood had. I could learn a new and rare skill then have Professor Snape pretend to force me to come to the dark side, but what could I learn that would ensure victory for his cause, and also that idea was of questionable moral considering I would be jeopardizing the cause just to save my own life.

I didn't want to have any more deaths on my head, I already was consumed with guilt over my parent's deaths. I sighed and leaned on the stone barrier and looked over the grounds watching the students who were all little dots from up here file out of the castle to enjoy the remaining daylight. I looked over the lake, the students holding little interest for me and watched a momma bird and a baby bird glide high over the dark waters. The smaller bird broke away from the momma bird, only to be called at and quickly brought right by the mom's side.

I felt a little sad knowing I would never have kids. They were never something I really wanted, but now knowing I would never have them, I felt a sense of loss. Even just having one baby would have satisfied what little parenting desire I had, but now it was looking as if all my life experiences were wrapping up.

Then it hit me.

The answer was right in front of me. It was a daring idea, and not guaranteed to work, but it was better than standing back and doing nothing. In my crazy idea, I had hope, so with high spirits and a bounce in my steps, I left the astronomy tower and wandered through the castle not caring that I had no particular destination in mind so passed the same paintings at least three times before getting to the common room. The boys welcomed me back with concerned looks that quickly evaporated by my chipper greeting and while I didn't engage in the conversation, preferring to celebrate in the inner depths of my mind, I couldn't be bothered to feel depressed. I would have to visit Professor Snape as soon as they were asleep.

I debated whether or not to tell him of the plan, or just string him along and hoped it worked. After much internal debate I finally decided on not telling him just in case it didn't work. It would be less pain for him if he didn't know and I failed. He's already lost so much in his life and I didn't want to be the one to give him one more thing to have, just to lose at his own hands.

"Hermione are you going to the gala?" I looked over the book I had been staring at without digesting while waiting for the boys to go to bed. Harry and Ron were looking at me expectantly as if I should know what gala they were talking about. I'm sure if I had been paying attention for the last few months of life I would know, but since I had been inside my own head I hadn't the foggiest idea what they were talking about.

"What gala?" They gave each other pointed looks and I got the feeling they had just been talking about what the gala was.

"The new minister of magic has invited us to a gala at his personal home in the beginning of November, didn't you get the invitation?" Harry asked curiously, frowning when I shrugged non-committedly. I vaguely remembered getting something in the mail, but hadn't really paid it much mind.

"I don't know, it depends."

"On what?" Harry pressed, Ron was now talking to lavender who had sat herself on Ron's lap in a provocative way and was running her hands in his hair so he wasn't paying a lick of attention to the conversation, but Harry wasn't so easily distracted and seemed to be becoming concerned. It was easier when he just ignored me and let me be far off in thought by myself.

"I don't know really. I don't feel like going to a Gala and getting all dressed up. Especially for the minister of magic." Harry slid closer on the couch and leaned in taking my hand, his attention fully on me now, his adorable brow furrowed in worry.

"I know, but it's a good chance to get a good feel of the minister and make connections while I'm still the chosen one, when the war is over we'll need to have those connections to get good jobs and such, don't you think?" Harry asked gently, watching my face carefully and pushing a tendril of hair away from my face. I swallowed thickly and refused to meet his eyes and see the concern in them. I gave in and decided to go to the gala, if nothing else then to ease his worry. If I was going to be killed, then I would be long dead by November and he wouldn't be able to hold it against me if I didn't go.

"Sure, your right." I agreed giving him a small smile. He smiled back, but didn't seemed convinced.

"You okay? You've been distant lately. Did I do something to upset you?" I shook my head and cursed him in my mind for being so caring. He might be a daft boy and take forever to realize something was wrong, but that didn't mean he didn't care. Ron however was sucking face with Lavender now and I couldn't say the same for him. He was loyal sure, but not necessarily caring. Harry followed my eyes to Ron and a look of understanding crossed his features.

"Ah, I'm sorry Hermione, he's always been a bit daft you know. I'm sure he'll come to his senses quickly and realize you're much more brilliant then Lavender could ever be." He comforted thinking Ron was the reason for my distance, a fact I wasn't going to correct him on. I nodded and leaned into his arms wishing the world could be as simple as a boy who was oblivious to your affections. I thought back to Harry's mood swings in fifth year and knew I finally could understand what he was going through, and while I couldn't tell him about my parents, he knew exactly what it felt like to lose everyone you cared about.

"Thanks Harry." He nodded against my head and pulled me tighter against him letting me stay there, brushing off Ron when he begged him to go down to the kitchens to get some food. I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep when it got really late, and unsurprisingly Harry carried me to my bed with the aid of Ginny to deactivate the curse on the stairs. He laid me down on my bed gently and gave me the sweetest kiss on my forehead before pulling my blankets over me.

"Good night mionie, sleep tight." I barely refrained from smiling at the sweet gesture, only opening my eyes when I heard his footsteps going down the girls' stairs and back up to the boy's dormitory. Lavender came into the room with the Pavarti twins gossiping loudly about her scandalous relationship with Gryfindors star keeper, a conversation I ignored and changed quickly into a low skirt and white shirt that wasn't dress code by any means, and taming my hair real quick with my brush and a few straightening spells that I normally didn't bother with, but if my plan was going to work I had to at least make an attempt at getting the hair tamed. After pulling my hair up in a loose ponytail I headed out, pausing only briefly to make sure Harry and Ron were in their dorm rooms.

I was a head girl this year so I didn't bother trying to keep a look-out for teachers knowing the only rule I had broken was being out of uniform, a rule that wasn't strictly enforced with head girl and head boy. The halls had absorbed the freezing temperatures from outside, so even though I was wearing long sleeves and pants, I was still freezing by the time I made it down to the dungeons. I was slightly more cautious in the dungeons knowing my rounds didn't include the dungeons area since it was slytherin turf, so my appearance there would be questionable. Luckily I made it to the professor's classroom without being seen and promptly knocked on the heavy door not wanting to linger and risk being seen. The seconds ticked by slowly and I worried for a moment if he would simply refuse to answer, but thankfully the door swung open and a hand reached out and pulled me in roughly.

"What the hell are you doing Granger?" Professor Snape snapped coldly, his only partially clothed state distracting me from his anger. He was in his slacks but didn't have a shirt on so his bare chest was completely visible. I admired the well-toned muscles while he dragged me into his rooms not waiting for an answer until we were safely inside. He turned on me and folded his arms in a clearly pissed off way fixing me with his dark glare.

"I couldn't sleep." I mumbled sheepishly looking down in embarrassment for the lame excuse I had come up with. He glared at me with an intense look, but finally relented after a long moment and sighed heavily but waved a hand for me to sit in his living room. At least he didn't kick me out straight away like I had worried he would. I sat down on the couch taking in the bottles that were on his table, all open and partially drunk.

"Having a bad night professor?" I asked when he sat down in his chair and poured a glass to the brim.

"You could say that." He handed the glass to me and poured himself a slightly more modest glass indicating for me to drink up.

"It will help you sleep." I smiled and took a sip of the liquid wincing as it burned my throat with its strength. I wasn't much of a drinker, and firewhisky wasn't really the way to start.

"Can't I just take dreamless sleep potion?" The professor took a long drink from his glass and leaned back in his chair looking completely relaxed. If I had told Harry I had seen the professor relaxed like this, I knew he would never believe me. The professor always seemed to have at least a dozen layers of stuffy clothes between the world and him, let alone a distant sneer to keep any potential passerby's from asking questions.

"It's highly addictive, so in your case, no." I nodded and drank the whole class of liquid courage and sank into the couch while it started to work its magic.

"Why was it a bad day?" He shrugged and set his glass down not bothering to refill it. From the slightly uncoordinated movements I got the feeling he had been drinking for quite a while now.

"Got called away again." I nodded and let the subject drop not wanting to know the details.

"Do you know how long it will be before he'll order me to be killed?" The professor looked into the fire that was slowly dying and I knew that he knew but wasn't about to tell me.

"No clue." I got up and walked over to him careful to keep my balance and slid onto his lap with lone leg on each side of him. He looked at me with surprised, but didn't stop me, his cold glare getting a heat that I enjoyed seeing way too much. I had fooled around with Krum a few times, but that had been clumsy and I couldn't really say he had needed much input from me, so my heart was beating powerfully in my chest at the daring move.

"Ms. Granger, this is breaking so many rules I can't even keep count, so you should probably get off my persons before we break even more." Professor Snape mumbled, his words lacking any real desire for me to get up. We both needed this, even if neither one of us wanted to admit it.

"With no disrespect intended Professor, I can't really say I care." He gave me the smallest hint of a smile that I knew I would do anything to see again. It made him look years younger and lit a spark in his eyes that I had never seen before. I leaned down ever so slowly and glanced in his eyes to make sure he wasn't going to stop me. His hand cradled the back of my head and pulled me the rest of the way down till our lips were touching. His kiss wasn't overwhelming and sloppy like Krum's had been, but soft and passionate. I relaxed into his arms allowing the rush of feelings to overtake me and lead the way, putting my conscious thoughts in the back of my mind like I had become so accustomed too. It was wrong, it was breaking the school rules, and probably even a law or two, but I didn't care.

I kissed him back matching his slow but deliberate pace and closed my eyes with a soft moan. His hands roamed my body, rough from all the years of potion making, but gentle as if I was the most precious potion ingredient he had ever found. I sucked in a sharp breath of the cold air when his hand got under my bra and grabbed a hold of my nipple, teasing it to a hard peak. I continued the kiss with more vigor and leaned forward so I was pressed closer against him, a fire starting to build inside me that needed him to kindle with his amazing hands. He groaned and ripped my shirt off, sending buttons flying everywhere in his haste, and pulled me completely up against him so I could feel his hard muscles against my chest. He deepened the kiss, only breaking it off to gasp in air before pulling me back down to him. I felt my skin heating up despite the frigid air around me and started at his zipper desperate to get him out. He pushed my hands away but didn't stop the kiss, wrapping my legs around him and carrying me somewhere before gracelessly dropping me down on a bed, his coordination gone from his intoxication.

"Hermione." He groaned pulling me into the center of the bed, and I realized through the hot and hazy fog that he had taken his pants off and I could feel his hard cock rubbing against my thigh through the thin material of his boxers. I moaned into the kiss and pulled it out of its material prison and starting rubbing it, pleased with how big it was, but also highly worried it wouldn't fit. He didn't seem too worried and pulled up my skirt with a roughness which made the fire inside me grow even hotter. He slowly pushed a finger inside me, moving easily in my slickness, but teasing me with the excruciating pace. I moaned and moved against his hand desperate for more contact too consumed with lust to feel ashamed when he laughed deeply at me and put in another finger abandoning the kiss to watch me with his dark eyes. I bit my lip to hold back another moan but my body gave away the pleasure I was in with its inability to stay still when he put in the third finger stretching me and yet teasing me until I was pulling on the silken sheets mumbling incoherent curse words. I was so close to the brink I knew I was about to come, but just as I was about to hit the breaking point, he removed his fingers from inside me in a cruel move that made me gasp, a fact that he took immediate advantage of by resuming the now intensely heated and powerful kiss. I could feel his desire for me and I felt no fear when he grabbed my hand which had been about to go around his cock, and pinned it with my other hand over my head.

I groaned into the kiss and moved against him in desperation for release, wriggling underneath his iron grip, trying to release my hands so I could make him take me, but he only deepened the kiss, overpowering my tongue easily.

"Please!" I begged when he broke off the kiss for a moment.

"Please what?" He growled pinching my nipple with his free hand sending shockwaves of pleasure through my already overwhelmed body making me lose my train of thought.

"Please what Ms. Granger?" He asked huskily, taking the nipple he had just tormented into his mouth and sucking on it with his amazing mouth. I imagined what his mouth would do if he were to go down there and knew I was right on the edge of desire again about to fall off.

"Please fuck me." I begged not caring how desperate I sounded.

"Well you only had to ask Ms. Granger." He whispered triumphantly in my ears sounding surprisingly in control considering I could barely focus long enough to get out two words. He released my hands and I immediately grabbed his cock, pulling it up to my entrance and put my other hand in his surprisingly soft hair. He teased me at my entrance for a moment before removing my hand and sliding slowly into me careful to not go too fast. His eyes watched me with dark lust and I knew my eyes went wide as soon as he slid inside of me, the unfamiliar sensation a bit painful since it was my first, but still amazing.

"You okay?" He asked after a moment, moving gently inside me to see if it was still painful. I moaned in response and he moved again encouraged by this, still slow, but quickly gaining speed. I came quickly since I had already been teased to the breaking point. He groaned when my walls clamped down around him, his eyes finally starting to lose their focus and clouding over with lust. I came off the high and met his dark eyes that were locked on mine, and with one more hard thrust he came inside me, my name on his lips.

"Hermione." He moaned, his eyes clouding over with an intense pleasure that he couldn't hide even if he wanted too. In that moment he was completely exposed and vulnerable to me, and yet he had been completely comfortable with me. I loosed my grip that I hadn't realized I still had on him and let him almost collapse down on me, shaking with the aftershocks. He stayed inside me for a moment trying to catch his breath, his face against mine and his arms behind me, almost still holding onto me as if I might disappear.

"Professor?" I asked after a moment when his breathing had evened and I wasn't sure if he had fallen asleep on me. He chuckled and kissed me on my cheek, finally getting off me to grab his wand and cleaned us both up with a whispered spell.

"I think you can call me Severus when we're alone." I smiled lazily up at him, exhaustion taking over and pulled his thick covers up over me.

"Okay Severus." I mumbled, the name sounding beautiful on my tongue. I let him wrap his arms around me and fell asleep knowing there would be no demons to visit me tonight, and I had hope.

-  
So what do you think? Don't worry the soft Snape won't last long, he's not going to be too pleased about their drunken tryst!


	4. Slytherins will be slytherins

Thanks you to all my amazing reviewers, your input has helped shape this chapter so let me know if you like it!

FYI more rated R content

I don't own any of this or make profits off it; that is reserved for the amazing J.K. Rowling!

I woke up feeling rejuvenated in a gift that I would have assumed the gods would only bestow on the most moral of servants, something I was definitely not. I pulled the beautiful women up closer to me not opening my eyes to face the cold harsh reality of life, preferring to pretend like I was still asleep and therefore couldn't be held accountable for my actions. I thought I would have forgotten the details of the previous night because of my drunken status, but I could remember every amazing detail in perfect clarity. The way her beautiful bright brown eyes looked at me, so trusting and naive that it took my breath away. Either her soul really was as beautiful as I thought it was, or she was incredibly foolish to put her trust in the hands of a death eater. The very same trust that I knew I had no choice but to break.

She was in too much danger already, if the dark lord were to see into her mind, I had no doubt he would not kill her, but do worse. He would keep her alive in continued agony until I had no choice but to end her life myself. It was a cruel punishment that I knew for sure the dark lord would use if he knew of my betrayal. I had always planned on ending things myself when he learned of my true loyalty, knowing the insanity he was capable of and having no intentions of dealing with it, but things were different now. It wasn't just my life at stake anymore. I failed to keep Lily safe, but I had learned from my previous failures and knew too much was at stake to fail again.

With these deep and entirely too sentimental thoughts in mind, I finally gave in and released the enchanting tigress who had her arms tangled around me in her deep sleep. I got dressed quietly, careful to not wake her up before I was ready, taking my sweet time watching her chest rise and fall with her soft breathing. Her hair was tangled in a wild mess, the straightening charm she had applied to it earlier only slightly useful right after she applied it, let alone eight hours later. At seven thirty on the dot I grabbed the edge of the bed and dumped her out of it with a scream and a loud plunk when she unceremoniously hit the floor on the opposite side of the bed.

I casually sifted through my nightstand and grabbed my silver watch, not looking over when she finally untangled from the covers and rose over the other side of the bed looking very confused and slightly hung over. She was such a lightweight, I had consumed at least half a bottle last night, and she had one glass and was feeling the effects the next morning.

"It was time to get up." I stated giving her a cold glare that stifled any potential angry comments I could see gaining momentum as she realized what had happened. I clicked the clasp on my watch and shook it under my robes and left her without another word to get dressed in silence. I knew I had made my point when she came stalking out of my bedrooms a few minutes later looking pissed as hell as she stalked out the door without a word, avoiding all eye contact with me except for one particularly withering glace that seemed foreign on her soft features. I took a long swift of the hot coffee I had just poured wincing knowing this would be a long day.

Classes went slowly, but surely, and I had so much grading to catch up on that I completely skipped lunch, but by dinner time I had run out of excuses for avoiding the great hall, so I went dragging my feet, figuratively of course. I sat next to Albus giving him a warning glare to not start on all his overly cheerfulness, but he seemed to take my bad mood as an excuse to be even more obnoxious than normal.

"How's your classes going Severus? Any new talent showing up in the first years?"

"Hardly." I drawled with a sneer ignoring his amused chuckle.

"Well, I'm sure some will show up if you lighten up and don't try to terrify them, you know most potions masters have performance anxiety, it's why they are such solitary creatures." I pushed my food around on my plate, the greasy food nothing like what my house elf makes, but I learned fast that when I didn't show up, Albus would visit my quarters and not leave until he had made dammed sure that I was about ready to murder him and the damn twinkle in his eyes. Minerva had taken a bite of steak on the other side of him to hide the smile she got, her mind going to the same place as mine when Albus made his comment about potion masters.

"Well unfortunately that is their future girlfriends issue and not mine Albus." Minerva choked on her steak, and to my credit the headmaster looked slightly embarrassed about how we had taken his comment and let me spend the rest of my dinner and peace.

Potter came into the great hall interrupting my peaceful dinner with his loud laughing at something the bushy hair gryffindor who was on his arm said. I felt a surge of protective anger at the sight, but pushed it down knowing it was for the best. The jealous monster however wouldn't be abated especially when Granger got on her tippy toes and gave him a kiss on his cheek. She glanced over to me and sent me a pointed glare, her message clear.

I hate you and I'm moving on.

I was going through a list of nasty hexes to try to get Potter with without the Headmaster noticing when my forearm lit up with the oh too familiar fire that cut through my jealous planning like a cold knife and I grasped my arm in pain before I could stop myself. He knew I had to go to dinner with the insane old man at this time every night, so for him to be calling anyways could only mean that he was royally pissed off.

"Want me to wait for you?" The headmaster asked putting a gentle hand on my shoulder, deducing the same thing as I, and knowing I would be in a bad state when I got back. I glanced up at Granger who was sitting so close to Potter that she was almost on his lap, but her eyes were on me, her face pale as a sheet.

"No, I'll be fine." I bit out before stalking out as quickly as humanly possible, not caring if I made a scene at this point. I summoned my robes and threw them on quickly refraining from putting on the mask, several students outside enjoying the last of the green grass before winter would consume the grounds in fields of snow. As soon as was outside of the gatesI apparited away putting the mask on in the middle of the apparition, heaven forbid I come to a meeting out of full uniform.

I was the only one there. He had called a private meeting with me, which was never a good sign. Actually that was pretty fucking bad. I could see the fire in his eyes from his throne he was sitting on casually, like a viper waiting to strike.

"Severusssss. I have been told that your loyalty to me is in question." I could have groaned knowing that Bellatrix would have been the one to start the rumor in retaliation for me snide comment to her last week when she tried to put her hands where they don't belong.

"My Lord. I assure you I am as loyal to you as ever. I love serving you and have never given you any reason to doubt me, have I?" The dark lord got off his throne and paced around me, taking in my submissive posture on my knees with my head bowed and hummed in thought.

"You are cunning Severus. A slippery snake getting past an eagle by promising him bigger and better prey behind you. I know you wouldn't be here if you weren't getting something out of it. You used to ask for large sums of money and prostitutes for your loyalty, but now, you haven't asked for anything leaving me to wonder what you are getting out of this." I felt my blood run cold realizing my fatal mistake. I had always been careful to demand compensation for my services, but lately had lost all interest in what he offered me. I didn't need money, and I definitely didn't need whores. I tried to think quickly to find a response to his statement that would keep him from killing me on the spot.

"My Lord, I haven't asked for compensation because our goals have been one in the same as of late. It was truly my pleasure to kill the mudblood's parents for you and leading the raid on Kensington." I held my breath hoping he bought it, and thankfully he seemed slightly appeased by this answer when he sat down, but I knew he didn't believe it enough to let me go without making his warning of the dangers for betrayal perfectly clear.

I paced the floor in Professor Snape's rooms anxiously awaiting his return. I had seen the flash of horror on his face when he grasped his arm and knew it was never a good thing to be called away during dinner when his disappearance would be noticed. I sighed and sat down on the couch taking in his living room for lack of anything better to do in his absence.

He had very plain tastes, a minimalist. The waterfall was the most elaborate thing in the room and somehow made the room seem more minimalistic rather than fuller. I started going through some of the books on his bookshelves looking for something to read that wasn't about death or torture techniques, but strangely enough that's all he had.

I assumed he would have some books on potions, but I didn't see a single title that looked like it could remotely have anything to do with potions. Finally, I found one that didn't look too bad about the history of King Author and the Knights of the Round Table. I knew from Professor Binn's classes that they were the last of the wizarding monarchy in Britain and they helped create the need to separate muggles and wizards from each other, but as I started reading the book I was startled by the brutality of the times. They would duel each other to the death just for pride and because someone was form a different region. It was the earliest form of gangs I'm sure and the lack of concern for human life made my stomach turn. I skipped past all the information on the duels and found a section that looked more interesting on the magic they used back then.

Apparently there was two different types of magic, but one line of magic, the type King Author used, died out with the king since he was the last of the Sential's. While most people had to think the specific command for the spell they wanted to use, or have ample training to learn how to do command less spells, the Sentinals were naturally able to control their environment around them and perform magic without even knowing it. They were a danger to others when angry, and as in the case of King Author, a danger to himself since he got so worked up while arguing with one of his many mistresses that his magic burst his heart in his chest, killing himself almost immediately. I cringed at the disgusting image this created in my mind and put the book back on the shelf not wanting to know anymore gruesome details. The fire roared to life and my heart jumped thinking it was Professor Snape, but unfortunately it was only the headmaster. He didn't look too shocked to see me in the professor's private quarters alone, and waiting for him to come back from the death eater meeting.

"Still not here?" He asked kindly, his eyes twinkling, but worried for the professor. I shook my head and offered him some tea that I had asked Kirby for earlier.

"Tea?"

"Why thank you Miss Granger." He responded softly taking the small china cup and adding at least six sugars to it. I sat in Professor Snape's chair knowing he would be pissed when he got back but not really caring.

"Did he tell you why he got called away?" The headmaster looked at me over his glasses, giving me a genuine smile that warmed the cold inside me that the fire wasn't able to take away.

"No Ms. Granger, however he is quite good at what he does so I'm sure he will be fine. I'm actually here to make sure you're okay." I sighed not really wanting to talk about it right now.

"I'm fine professor." He hummed watching me with a look that made me squirm like he could see through me and know exactly what I was thinking despite the fact that I was pointedly not making eye contact.

"Severus said you have a plan of sorts but you wouldn't give him any details on it?" I nodded not elaborating knowing the headmaster was the last person I wanted to discuss this with.

"Yes."

"It's a daring plan Miss Granger. I have to say it's is cunning enough to befit a slytherin, it's no wonder you two get along so wonderfully." My eyes shot up at this and I paled in shock at his statement.

"You already know?" He grinned and put a hand on my shoulder, his eyes bright and cheery.

"I do now Miss. Granger. Though I have to say my previous statement was pretty accurate if I may say so myself." He got up leaving me frozen in shock at his manipulation and how easily I fell into his trap. Damn it, and I had been so careful to not look into his eyes too!

"Please don't tell him professor." The headmaster stopped right before he threw the floor powder in the fireplace, his merry blue eyes softening when he looked back at me.

"Severus is the closest thing I've ever had to a son. I would never hurt him more then he's already been hurt." He paused briefly, the emotion I caught the barest glimpse of leaving me no doubt as to his sincerity.

"For both of your sakes Miss. Granger, I hope your plan succeeds. It doesn't matter if he's alive if he never has a reason to live. It's as bad as never having lived at all." He gave me a wink and threw the powder in the fire leaving me alone to my thoughts. I would have rather he had stayed, but I wasn't about to tell him that so I let him go without complaint.

I had assumed that he would be the one who caused a fuss about the scandalous plan, but apparently he was not only okay with it, but wanted it to work despite the heavy ramifications it would have if it did work so I knew I would have at least one alley in my crazy plan. I had no doubt Severus would not be pleased about it so I could confidently count him out.

I laid down hoping to get some sleep while I waited for Severus to come back. The name sounded strange in my thoughts, but he had given me permission to use it in private, not that he could have stopped me from thinking it anyways. He would probably take back his permission now if I gave him the opportunity to considering how mad he was when he woke up, but I wasn't going to let that dissuade me. I closed my eyes and thought about the dark glare he gave me after turning me out of his bed.

His eyes were amazing, there was no denying it, and they entranced me, especially when he was filled with his temperamental anger. I found myself wanting to make him mad just to see how dark his eyes would become. He was well toned and had a smooth chest that was riddled with scars that he didn't seem self-conscious at all about, and who would? Each scar told a story that defined the cold man and I would give anything to know the stories behind just even one of his scars.

He never made a fool of himself in public, something I despised in the boys I had dated so far, he was always the most composed and put together person in the room. Not to mention the brilliant mind he had, I could tell by the potion that he had created that he was brilliant and if I could get him to open up, it wouldn't be a pointless conversation, it would have depth and meaning.

I sighed pulled up the blanket he had left on the couch and drifted off with my thoughts never endingly on him. I probably wouldn't be around for much longer, so the least life could do is let me fantasize about things that could never happen in the time I have left. I fell asleep without realizing it until I heard a crash that startled me out of my peaceful slumber.

My eyes shot open at the noise that had sounded only inches from me and I screamed in terror at the figure hovering over me and pulled the blanket over my head like a silly child. I didn't look, but I knew the figure immediately withdrew to give me space and as my frantic heartbeat slowed and allowed my thoughts to form, I realized whose eyes I had been staring at though the slits on the bone death eater mask. I could see his shadow a foot from me waiting for me to come out of my cocoon, which I did slowly, not meeting his eyes when I realized he still had the mask on and was waiting with folded arms for an explanation why I was in his rooms probably.

"So…sorry." I stuttered pathetically looking down at my hands waiting for him to say something. He gave a long suffering sigh and took off his mask slipping it into his death eater robes before folding his arms again in what I realized wasn't out of impatience, but because he was feeling vulnerable and there forth taking up the defensive posture. His blank face gave away nothing, but I knew with someone as well trained in subterfuge as him, I wouldn't get much information willingly form him anyways.

"You know most people avoid things they fear, and yet you wait for them in their lair like a sheep ready for the killing." He said avoiding my gaze, instead focusing on the waterfall behind the couch.

"I'm not afraid of you." He met my eyes and gave me a pointed look.

"I would have to disagree Granger." He drawled darkly and I felt bad about screaming when I saw him. I got the strange impression that he was feeling vulnerable because I had hurt his feelings. I met his dark look, my nervousness gone now that he had taken the mask off.

"I'm not afraid of you." I said again knowing I needed to elaborate more.

"It was how you woke me up with the mask on. It was how Macnair woke me up the night…" I cut off unable to continue and knowing he knew I was referring to the night my parents were killed. His glare eased slightly at this confession and to my shock he sat down beside me, the animosity from this morning almost completely gone. It was only when he sat down that I saw that the floor was wet and remembered the crash from earlier.

"I was trying to take some of the cruciatus reversal potion and dropped it." He said seeing where my eyes had wandered. I immediately looked at his eyes, the firelight of the room preventing me from being able to see whether he was high on the adrenalin from the after effects of the curse or not. He gave me what could have been considered a smile knowing exactly what I was thinking probably from his damn legilimency. Second time tonight that had happened, I need to be more careful about looking them in the eyes, they were both cunning slytherins when it came to that.

"I had already drank more than enough of it, don't worry I'm in my right mind."

"Why was he mad?" As soon as I asked the question I regretted it because the light demeanor he had just seconds ago vanished.

"I have to walk the line between giving him what he wants, and making sure he doesn't become too powerful and risking being found out. Tonight I couldn't give him what he wanted." I nodded my understanding only able to imagine the difficult decisions he would have to make, and weigh the potential loss of lives with the different options, a job nobody wanted.

"Why don't you quit." He laughed at this and ran a hand through my hair as if I was endearing for thinking he could walk away. I had figured he couldn't, but wasn't sure if it was out of fear, or honor.

"Oh Hermione, I could leave the death eaters, but I would be doing so in a casket. They don't take betrayal kindly, and if you're not on their side, you're betraying them." He said, the resentment clear in his voice. I didn't blame him either, I would resent the hell out of having to risk my life everyday with no chance to be happy just for others to hate you or throw your sacrifice away.

"Well, you might not be able to leave, but surely you could find a way to be happy when you stay?" I didn't look up at him for fear of what his expression would be at my thinly veiled hint. He didn't do anything for a moment, then picked up my hand with a care that seemed unnatural for such a cold man and kissed the back of my hand, soft and gentle. I didn't need him to be able to articulate his feelings to know what that meant. It warmed my heart to know that he might not feel as attached as I do, but he at least felt something, but the warm fuzzy feeling turned a painful fire when I accepted the fact that he wasn't going to take any steps to further the relationship.

"I don't know which one is worse, thinking you don't care at all, or knowing you care, but won't act on it." I said softly wiping away a few rouge tears with the free hand since he still had my other hand and was rubbing comforting circles on it.

"There really isn't any easier Hermione. There's only pain, and worse pain. I had hoped anger would make help you move on, but I stay angry with you. You've done nothing wrong." I felt a pang of guilt at his words knowing I had done something wrong, very wrong actually. I sighed and pulled my knees up to my chest so I could put my forehead on them to ease the quickly escalating headache. We sat in a tense, but highly needed silence. In life sometimes words didn't matter, and right now all that mattered was that we were all each other had in this crazy war that didn't want either one of us to live, let alone be happy.

"I have to go." Severus said letting go of my hand and leaving me abruptly, stalking to his room and shutting the door behind him with a resounding bang. I felt the coldness start to penetrate through my bones and looked down at the hand he had been holding that was now freezing and noticed it was wet. My heart clenched painfully at the realization that he had been crying. I felt my own tears fall onto his blanket that I pulled up around me for comfort noticing before I fell asleep that it smelled of his deep cedar and pine scent.

I expected to dream about death eaters, or death, or well, anything bad actually. So I was pleasantly surprised when the dream was dark and steamy, the sensations overwhelming and intoxicating. We were in his bed and at some point in the dream he had taken both of our clothes off so I could feel his warm skin against my fingers and nether regions when he moved gently over me, teasing me with his hardness that was in an almost unconscious way that drove me mad. I moaned into our heated kiss when he entered me easily since I was already beyond wet and held onto his muscular and strong arms for bracing, his thrusts hard and deep in a way that made my back arch in a wild pleasure that I hadn't thought I was capable of feeling. He didn't hold back like he had last time, and I broke off the kiss consumed in my rapidly increasing fire, my breaths coming in short gasps that did little to replace the large amount of oxygen I needed, so my thoughts became even fuzzier and incoherent.

"Severus!" I gasped loudly when I came hard around him, the pleasure coursing through every inch of my body as he thrust twice more into me then came with deep groan that I stifled with a heated kiss loving the way he held onto me even after his aftershocks faded, our body's molded together perfectly as If they were one. My high slowly eased and I lightened the kiss letting go of his hair that I hadn't realized I had in a death grip in, and moaned in pleasure at the languid and sensuous kiss letting him take the lead. The dream started to fade around me, but I still felt the warmth of his body against me and the powerful way he looked at me between long kisses.

When I woke up I pulled the comforter around me enjoying the warmth it provided me and froze when something moved behind me, and a large hand pulled my bare stomach closer against his morning hard and my eyes flew open. It hadn't been a dream, I was in Severus's bed with his arm around me, spooning in a position that was very counterproductive to his insistence that we couldn't be together. I tried to get up before he woke up knowing he would be pissed when he realized it happened again, but he pulled me tighter against him with a sleepy warning growl. I sighed resigning myself to whatever fate he would bestow upon me when he woke up, figuring I had time since it was still partially dark outside.

I had started to fall back asleep when I felt him nuzzling my neck so softly I didn't realize what it was at first until he pulled back my frizzy hair and started kissing the sensitive skin on my neck, his hot breath ticking it making me giggle despite myself.

So he was just pretending to sleep then, he couldn't be too mad then if he hadn't rolled me out of bed yet. He hummed when I laughed and stopped his teasing, on my neck at least. He slid a hand between my legs and had me shaking with need within the minute, already over sensitive from last night and needing very little assistance getting turned on by waking up curled up against him without any clothes on. He tuned me over and kissed me with a restraint that I didn't have and I grabbed his dick and pulled it up to my wet entrance making my desire clear. He broke off the kiss with a laugh that made his dark eyes sparkle, but obliged watching me wither in pleasure when he filled me to the brim and started to move slowly inside me. Last night he had been so forceful and commanding, but he wasn't having any of that today no matter how much I begged him and cursed at his damn slow pace. I moved against him craving more friction and gasped when I came, shaking with amazing pleasure that I was quickly becoming addicted too. He sped up his thrusts as soon I as came, and came right after me, our morning exercise coming to an end.

I groaned when he pulled out, overly sensitized now and wishing he would stay and let me explore his body some more, but I knew we both had real life to go back to. He gave me one last lingering kiss then got out of bed to take a shower, not saying a single word since we woke up. I knew it was dangerous, and very foolish to continue on with this, from how guilty he looked before he left, he knew it too. I wanted to be foolish and dangerous though. It didn't matter if other people would think poorly of me and assume I got my grades because of my extracurricular activities if this ever got out. I didn't care if the dark lord decided to make me die a painful and drawn out death for taking his second in command from him. I simply didn't care. I wanted to wake up every morning this way, and I would pay anything for it. When he got out of the shower, he only had a towel around his waist and I went to take my shower not really wanting to sit next to Harry all day smelling of sex and my potions professor, he was oblivious, but no that oblivious. He grabbed my hand when I walked past him and pulled me up to him abandoning his pursuit of a particular robe in his closest despite the fact that they all looked identical.

I expected a lecture, but he kissed me, taking advantage of my unclothed status to let his hands wander, the intensity of the kiss taking me off guard. Almost as quick as it began though, he released me, giving me a heated look, but going back to his robe search as if nothing had happened.

"I would highly suggest a shower Miss Granger, and standing there staring at me isn't going to accomplish that." He said after I didn't move for a moment snapping me back to reality. I huffed indignity purposefully swaying my hips on the way to the bathroom knowing he would be watching me. Grinning when I heard him shut his wardrobe slightly harder than necessary and knowing he had been watching.

Two could play that game.

What you going to do? Slytherins will be slytherins! The battle of wills is going to continue next chapter, who will get their way? It's anybody's game!


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